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It’s getting harder and harder to continue on this road.

I knew,

To find a path in the bushes is easy.

But as I walk on,

The bushes get thicker and thicker along the road.

The light at the end of the path gets dimmer and dimmer.

Will I reach the light before I get lost?

I’ve chosen this path.

I have to keep walking.

I have to keep trying.

 

I can always turn back of course.

Back to the junction where I made my choice.

Following the path I left behind.

A trace that is almost made permanent.

But that is not what I want.

Going back to zero,

After all my hard work exploring a new path.

 

More sacrifices are being made.

Leaving scars all over.

Still,

I take a deep breath,

And I walk on.

No matter how many obstacles.

I’ll walk on.

No matter how dim is the light.

I’ll walk on.

 

 

 

 

Sad, angry, guilty, fear, stupid, bless, tired, stress, helpless, useless, depress… so many feelings dwelling in my heart at this moment. As if a storm is hitting my heart. As if a tremor of magnitude 9 is happening in me. At this starless night, the day before I left my home to an unfamiliar place.

 

Sad, because I don’t get help from someone who can help but refuse to help just because he doesn’t know me.

 

            Angry, because someone bother to find out whose fault to begin with instead of using the precious time we had to solve the problem at this critical moment.

 

 

            Guilty, because of the inefficient way of me solving problems causes this to happen and people who have nothing to do with it are drag into it.

 

            Fear, because accident may happen tomorrow even though I’ll try my best to avoid it.

           

            Stupid, because I believe what I did will cause less trouble.

 

            Bless, because there’re still people who will help me to the end and people who tried to cheer me up.

                       

            Tired, because I tried so hard to stay calm and confident. So I don’t make others panic.

 

            Helpless, because I know so little about it.

 

            Useless, because I can’t even explain the situation and the details to them due to lack of knowledge.

 

            Depress, because it ended like this.

 

Got to deal with this for another 12 hours or more. It's like holding a time bomb, it either explode in the end or it'll be defuse by me. Hope it can end sooner.

 

 

 Time flies… It’s already June. Just days away from University-allocation-announcement-day. I’ll be in U a week after this day. Still doing nothing at home, since March. Since then, I’ve been staying at home, hanging out with family and friends. That’s one of the reason I stop working. Because I felt bounded by my job. Working 8-10 hours everyday. I guess that is what working life meant. Or maybe I’m just didn’t manage my time well. I only had two days of holiday during Chinese New Year. But after I quit my job. Most of my friends start working. Sigh, only few of them “stay at home” like me. Hence, lesser hang out.

 

            What I do at home? Well I didn’t just stay at home all time. Sometimes I have badminton, sometimes I have ping pong and futsal at almost every weekend. During school holiday, I went to Kuantan. My bro had a basketball competition over...                               there.

So I went there as a tourist as well as a spectator of a basketball competition. At home, I just play some never ending online game which cost me an hour for every game (if my online friends are online) or I’ll play ps2 for the rest of the day. Besides that,

I went to the beach,

 

I went to the zoo (saw elephants mating live),

 

I went hiking (with slippers),

 I went to the waterfall (seeing every friend of mine getting leech by leeches except myself and I still wonder why)

,

I went karaoke (for the 1st time and looking forward for my 2^nd time). I don’t know how to tell someone I’m boring staying at home.

           

            That is until the end of May. Later on, even the “few of my friends” start studying. Thus, no more hang out. Pros? Save petrol, save money. Cons? No fun! Virtual games are fun. Not without friends. Now? Watch anime lo…